Instagram Cold DM Etiquette: How to Write a First Message People Answer

A cold DM interrupts someone's personal inbox. Good etiquette is not just politeness; it is what earns a reply. These rules fit into the wider process in our Instagram outreach guide.

The do's

• Show you looked at their profile with one specific detail.

• Explain in one sentence why you are messaging them.

• Ask permission before pitching: "Mind if I share an idea?"

• Keep it short and easy to read on a phone.

• Follow up once or twice, politely, then stop.

The don'ts

• No long pitches, price lists or links in the first message.

• No fake compliments that could apply to anyone.

• No voice notes or calls to strangers.

• No guilt-trips in follow-ups.

A simple permission-based opener

1. Noticed: a specific detail from their profile. 2. Reason: why that made you reach out. 3. Permission question: ask if they are open to an idea.

Example (local business): "Hi Sara, saw your new autumn menu post, the photos look great. I help cafes in Leeds turn Instagram followers into bookings. Would you be open to a quick idea for that menu launch?"

Example (fashion accessories brand): "Hey team, loved the new beaded bag drop. I work with small accessory brands on Instagram partnerships. Open to me sending over two creator ideas that fit this collection?"

Does location matter?

Yes. Mentioning a shared city, region or local event makes a message feel relevant and increases trust, especially for local businesses.

ColdNerd writes AI-personalised openers from each prospect's profile so every first message follows these rules. See ColdNerd plans.